Safety Capital — How to Spend the Psychological Safety You’ve Created
Last year I created and led a workshop on the topic of Social Capital. I was presenting to young adults and the entire concept was new to most all of them. So we started with what they did know. “What is capital?” I asked to open the workshop. “You mean like, money?” somebody from the back of the room shouted. “Yes,” I said, “for the purpose of this exercise we will refer to as Financial Capital. Can we think of other forms of capital?” Silence. I remain quiet for but a moment. No need to challenge them this early in the day, I thought. I want them to feel comfortable enough to work their cognitive and emotional muscles for the exercise that would come at the end of the workshop. “Manufactured capital,” I said and went on, “Material capital. Human capital… err…” [I looked back to check my notes] and then said, “Hey, I had to look up the rest online this week so we’re all learning here.” A smattering of laughs washed over the room as I grinned sheepishly.
They started to get the hang of it and then I said what I believed to be the most important words of the workshop, “Social capital is unique because it is the only form of capital that nobody can actually own nor can we ever run out of it. We earn it by giving it away, by showing up and sharing ourselves without expecting anything in return. So because of that, it might actually be the most valuable and most important form of capital.” And with that, the workshop participants were all leaning in. Like money in the bank.
Cha-ching! The sound in my head that occurs when I begin a workshop in a way that allows for the participants to not only have their interests piqued but also has them feeling safe enough to stretch themselves outside of their comfort zone. You see, from the moment I walked in the door that morning, I was creating a form of capital that didn’t even make the list when I searched online earlier in the week. To create this form of capital, I put on music before the workshop started. Something they would like, I thought to myself as I scrolled through my Spotify playlists. Knowing we were diving into a subject many would not know about, I wanted to begin the workshop with the participants feeling positive so I asked easy questions and while I didn’t have to disclose my online search, I knew it would validate the notion that we were all learning, just at different stages of development.
Building rapport. Gaining trust. Validating. Timely self-disclosures as to attempt to remove any notion of hierarchy. Backtracking statements to show listeners that they are being heard with both ears and hearts. Eye contact. A warm smile. An open and welcoming stance. These are what make up the first half of what I now call Safety Capital. Nestled safely underneath social capital, safety capital also exists in the space between two entities; usually individuals and this scenario: a group and facilitator.
In coaching, we generate safety capital much the same way I did in that workshop. As a coach, I attempt to listen without judgment. I ask questions without presupposition. If I want to speak my truth, I make sure to seek permission. I facilitate rather than demonstrate. In doing so, I am creating psychological safety within the client-coach relationship. Therefore, Safety Capital is not only what a coach earns through creating a space that has psychological safety but also the way in which they spend it wisely by challenging this space — supporting their clients to step outside their zone of comfort. When done well, the client, now expanding upon their wholeness in a way that serves them, allows for the creation of momentum, connection, and even more psychological safety, which earns the coach even more capital to spend. And so on.
As a Wall Street trader would say, earning and spending takes a sense of the market and when to buy/sell. Akin to this understanding of financial capital, our safety capital may take on different styles:
The Frugal Coach
As a coach, it is possible to have too much safety capital. This only really happens when a coach doesn’t spend it. Remember, after we have created psychological safety, coaching happens when we afflict the comfortable. If we spend each session holding the space and validating their experience without truly challenging them to move outside of what is easy or ask a question that means they must change perspectives to respond, then what we’re doing may be therapeutic, but it isn’t coaching. If all we do as a listening ear is generate this capital, we are wasting the investment our clients are making in coaching. They come to us to uncover and produce new forms of capital for themselves and this isn’t possible if we, as coaches, don’t invest in them by spending the safety capital we’re all so good at creating. Reap what you sow! This is why your clients come to you in the first place.
The Credit Coach
Meeting our clients where they are emotionally and relationally along their journey of growth and learning development is a cornerstone of coaching. Understanding time and place is not only a foundational aspect of emotional intelligence, but it is also crucial to fostering a return on the investment of spending your safety capital. If we spend it all every session, we wouldn’t build and grow with our clients. Over-drafting our account, as in spending more than we have created may lead to judgment, expectations, distance. If we spend our capital in the silence of the moment rather than sitting with the un-comfortability of our client’s processing, we may stunt their growth. Therefore, our capital grows in our silence just as much if not more than in our powerful questions. If we spend and spend and spend, we also might spend moments between sessions second-guessing ourselves for ‘pushing too hard’ or ‘leading the client.’ Like any investment, it is important to know when to spend and how much.
The Capitalist Coach
Some coaches may be great at building up their safety capital, but then they only spend it on themselves. They create safety in the space between themselves and their clients, but they take the clients where they want to go. Without asking for permission, they offer up their own advice. They tell them how they did it assuming that if it worked for them, it’ll work for the client. Sometimes it works great for the client. And other times, the client finds themselves somewhere they hadn’t intended to go. It’s a risky investment for the client and it builds a dependency to need more and more ‘capital’ from the coach. This is a different form of capital: intellectual capital. There is nothing wrong with sharing this form of capital, but if this is mostly all we do, it isn’t coaching in the truest sense. Conversely, if I client solely wants this kind of investment, they are likely looking for a mentor or consultant and not a coach. As a coach, it is okay to share your intellectual capital, but wait until your client’s well is dry and let them know that we have switched gears.
Wise Investor Coach
When a coach is investing just the right amount of safety capital, they are earning some in every session and spending some in every session. You are a wealthy and wise coach when you understand that clients come in with situations that are costing them their emotional freedom or they are seeking to become rich in some way. Health, wealth or something else, exactly what they want matters little to you. This is their journey. Yours is to hold the space, to match their energy and to help to create an experience through clean and incisive questions. You end the session by assisting them to create actionable behavioral steps or intentional thought experiments. You notice their growth without cheering too loudly. You request that they celebrate their awareness and mirror it back to them. You appreciate them for showing up fully. The goal is to generate capital every session and understand when and where to spend most of it, but never run out. That last bit is always the client’s return on the investment of coaching. It gets invested in what would likely be akin to a long term low-yield bond. You spend just enough that they leave richer, in some way.
Interesting examples of fruitful spending of your Safety Capital:
- Backtracking: Using the client’s words to reinforce learning or remind them of their intentions
- Sharing an anecdote about something you’ve been through that is similar to what your client may be struggling with. Then, without telling them what to do next, you instead state something like, “when you hear me share this, what comes to mind for you?”
- Mismatching with a client to move from resonance to dissonance — “I don’t suppose someone like you would want to…”
- Asking the client, “If I were to notice you not keeping to the commitment you wish to maintain, what specifically would you like for me to reflect back to you?” And then keeping the commitment to speak up even if it feels difficult for you to do so.
Like resourceful habits and mindset shifts, you create a return on investment that may not be noticeable at the moment, but it sure does pay off over time. Capital may take on many forms. Like it’s social forefather, a coach with a keen sense of safety capital knows that their ability to become wealthy means that they must also be willing to give it away.
